Doesn't Happen Often

This weekend all of my siblings were in town!  It seems the older we get the further spread out we become, so we like to go all out when we are all together in one place at the same time.  We started by going to Fairy-tale town on Friday morning while we waited for Sam and Bubba to make their way to Sacramento.  I loved that for the most part the cousins didn't really miss a beat with each other and were quick friends.

After a quick nap for Sienna we headed of to Bounce U in Roseville.   It took Sienna awhile to fully wake up and put her brave face on, but by the end of the afternoon she was going down slides by herself and having a great time

We ended Friday with pizza at the Bacchus house and cupcakes to celebrate Charles's upcoming birthday.  

On Saturday after lunch we headed to Elk Grove for some swimming.  I was so proud of Sienna!  She let me put floaties on her for the first time and jumped off the side over and over and even tried swimming a little bit.  We missed Daddy, but have big plans to show off her new skills when we get to Idaho next week!

 

After swimming we went to the Gibson house for a fiesta themed dinner and even tried, for Grandma, to get a picture of all of the grandkids together...this is as good as it gets...sorry Grandma. :)

 

We even took a picture of the six of us.  My picture was photobombed by Chad's foot, but Andi's picture was the best with her youngest poking up a little behind Katie...he had just gotten hurt right before we took the picture.

 

We finished the night with the kids roasting marshmallows for smores and the grown ups enjoying brownies and ice cream.  It was such a fun weekend and went by much too fast!

A day in the life...

My last day working for the Bacchus's was on Thursday and so I took picture so that I could remember what Sienna and I's everyday life looked like.  

After everyone got dressed the three oldest would go and play with each other and since we don't have an I Pad this particular day we played on Aunt Tracy's.

 

William  does this...about one billion times...

but we are friends anyway...

We eat lunch

Then, magic happens.  The three littles all nap...at the same time!

Charles and I do art, his workbook and play games during this time

Then we play outside because that's way more fun then being stuck inside all day.

 We also stop for snacks now and then.

Before we know it, mom and dad are home and Sienna and I head back to our home, where because Grandma is awesome, dinner is waiting for us!

Splash Park Play Date

When Sienna and I aren't packing by our house for the move we are trying to find ways to entertain ourselves while Daddy is away.  We miss him like crazy and can't wait until it's our turn to "zoom off to Idaho" as Sienna would say.  Today we went to the nearby splash park with some friends and had a great time!

We are going to miss our play group friends! 

For me

I was pregnant yesterday.

My sweet babies are starting a trend of letting me know at 4:30 in the morning that they are done living in mommy.  I wish that I could have told this one that it wasn't time yet.

The morning was the worst.  A scared husband and toddler with a hysterical mom.  I have an amazing mother in law who came and brought our sweet girl back home.  I had an amazing nurse who tried to keep me as comfortable as possible, but there was so much blood and fear.  

I truly can not explain the pain in my heart every time that a clot would pass and I would wonder if that was actually my baby. It makes me both sad and scared, the realization that there is no "safety point".  That extra week didn't change the outcome for us this time.

My sisters, Katie and Tracy, came and so did Marili Potts in proxy for my mother who had to worry from afar.  We got to go home after a few hours.

We came home and I tried to eat breakfast, drink some juice and snuggle Sienna.  I remember telling Tracy to take my breakfast sandwich from me and then people yelling my name, water splashing on my face and the beyond look of panic on my sweet husband's face...then lots of firefighters.  I had become unresponsive for 10-15 seconds.  Nick had called 911.  I told them I was feeling better and didn't need them to take me to the hospital.  I tried to sit up a little bit later, but I couldn't with out feeling faint.  Nick called the hospital.  They told us to come back.

 I didn't want to.  I wanted to crawl in bed, but I looked at the fear in Nick's eyes and let him help me to the car.  They tried to hook me up to an IV...multiple times.  They called an IV Therapist who used an ultrasound machine to try and see a vein, she was unsuccessful as well.  After being poked at least 8 times they were successful with a baby needle in my hand.  I remember being so exhausted, but I didn't want to sleep.  I wanted to hear everything and be present in what was happening.  I wanted Nick to know that I was okay and he didn't need to worry.  I wasn't okay and he worried anyway. 

We waited a lot, they pumped me full of fluids, and did another ultrasound that seemed to take forever.  They took tests and talked about scary things like blood transfusions because I'd lost so much blood and a possible IV in my neck to get in a bigger line.  Luckily, neither of those things had to happen.  A friend came to visit and her husband and Nick gave me a blessing.  Nick and I cried a lot.  He never left me for more than two minutes.  I shared with him that I felt like Heavenly Father had been preparing me for this.  

I had a feeling on Monday, just a feeling, that this pregnancy wasn't going to last.  I hadn't been able to figure out our insurance quickly and because of that I hadn't seen or heard this baby yet. I think had I been able to make that connection my heart wouldn't have been able to stand this loss. 

Heavenly Father sent me the best nurse ever that afternoon.  She reminded me so much of my sister Andi.  Short, blond, sassy ER nurse with her hair pulled back.  She was raised LDS, but wasn't practicing anymore.  She even had a similar relationship background and she called me "hun" a lot.  She brought me cake for after I got to go home.  Nick hugged her when her shift was over.  She made all the waiting bearable.

The doctor came in and told me the ultrasound showed that my body was still holding on to some things and I would need a procedure to clean everything out.  Katie came back to be with Nick while I had my procedure done.  I was nervous.  Nick was a wonderful, tragic mess.  After recovery I got to come home, finally.

Physically, I'm okay.  Nick asks me how I am every five seconds and I assure him that I'm okay.  He keeps telling me that I'm not allowed to scare him like that again.  I promise him that I'll do my very best.

Most of the time I can put on a brave face but little things hit me like a car.  I'm so sad and know that I have to mourn.  I know that it's no ones fault.  I know nothing I did could have changed anything.  I know my Heavenly Father knows me.  I know that I am loved by so many people, especially my husband who proved this to me every second of  yesterday and today. 

 I know that I don't want to forget what happened. I know that I want to remember all of my babies and their stories, even if they end before they get to begin. So this post is for me.  So that I can remember the pain, sadness, and love that I felt that day.

Fourth of July Weekend

Fourth of July weekend was super busy for us this year!  We had a wedding AND all the regular holiday goodness.  We started the fourth by going down to the park by our house and seeing the neighborhood "parade".  We thought it was going to be a real parade but it was more of a bike parade.  Nick was a little disappointed.  Afterward we came home and Sienna played with Mama Hudson and the new water guns that she bought for her.  We spent most of the afternoon with Nick's mom and definitely enjoyed all the delicious food that she made us for lunch.  We just love her!

After Sienna's nap we headed over to my sister's house for a BBQ and then to Tracy's in laws house to celebrate with fireworks.  She has such great in laws who love us enough to let us crash their family functions and make them ours too.

 On Friday we recovered and got ready for the wedding the next day.  Nick was the best husband ever/ man of honor that day.  He was super dad watching Sienna while I was a bridesmaid and while I was getting Sienna ready he was making sure that all the groomsmen where taken care of.  We were so happy to be a part of Brandon and Ashley's big day and are so excited for their new life together!

We spent today recovering from our weekend and looking at all the pictures and remembering how great it was.

Sienna's First Hair Cut

Sienna got her first hair cut on the 3rd!  I was going back and forth about it for a few weeks because I was worried her curls were just baby curls and I wasn't ready for them to be cut off.  Her hair was getting super crazy though, starting to tangle and my friend's wife, Stephanie, was have a smoking good deal on hair cuts.  Stephanie was so awesome and even came to our house!

Sienna was most excited that she got to sit on the table:

Before

During

 (Stephanie even let Sienna hold the spray bottle)

After

(Those curls didn't go anywhere!)

Both Sienna and Stephanie did awesome! 

 Another milestone down...

Megan's Party!

My cousin Megan and her husband Dusty had their wedding reception and a small ring ceremony last weekend for everyone who missed their wedding in December...like me...but not for lack of trying.  If you don't remember from my previous post the wedding was at the end of December in Reno during a snow storm!  The ring ceremony was very special and fun and was followed by an awesome party/ reception.

The reception consisted of a nacho bar during pictures, a photo booth, awesome comfort food dinner and a ton of outside games for kids and grown ups....

AND a bounce house!

Uncle Chad was such a trooper to go in their and help the kids.

We had such a fun time!

Sienna has since started playing "Megan".  She pretends to wear a beautiful dress and hold pretend flowers while jumping in a bounce house.  I think it's safe to say it left an impression on her and I'm so glad that we got to celebrate the great couple.